A Box Full of Pain


In the waning years of my college career, I applied aggressively to a company called Raytheon. Naive engineering student that I was, I waited patiently as days turned into weeks for their reply. When the dismissal finally came, it came as a three sentence email with at least four typographical errors. I have nursed a minor grudge about this for years. I keep it around mostly for entertainment; perhaps like a child might keep a furby. I just like to take it out once a while, stroke its fuzzy hide, and see what strange noise it makes.

But now I’m having second thoughts. It seems Raytheon has gone and made something truly horrible. It’s not everyday that you build something that makes nothing but pain. Seriously, they have invented a device that takes electricity in one end, and sends excruciating agony out the other.

The Silent Guardian is intended to be a crowd control device. To be fair, it is said to cause no physical harm to anyone subjected to it. No, they were content to cause unendurable pain over the victim’s entire body. Thanks for that.

I think this development begs a question. If we can create a machine that projects microwaves to resonate our nerve endings to produce the sensation of pain, could we do the same thing with pleasure? Instead of projecting a wall of pain to push crowds away, could we broadcast pleasure to pull them somewhere else? In case it isn’t apparent to the readers of the old blog here, I am more than a little worried about the future. Oh well, maybe we will find a few humans along the way.


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2 Responses to “A Box Full of Pain”

  1. mike Says:

    is not the operator of this machine also subjected to unendurable pain?

  2. The Sage Says:

    Instead of the Wall O Pain we could have the Pleasure Diverter. The overwhelming smell of a Big Mac. Like the Pied Piper of Hamlin, people would suddenly begin following the scent. Terrorists would be dismantled by a Mac Attack. Rioting students would find themselves inexorably drawn to McDonalds, leaving their ideals in a McD trashcan. The CIA could exert a heretofore unheard-of level of mind-control. Whole populations could be moved into a remote area and placed in concentration camps, like in Soylent Green. They would then be ground into, you guessed it, hamburger. But at least there would be a concerted effort at recycling, thereby saving the planet.

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