Royal Correspondence


My earliest taxable employment was as a bagboy/checker/stocker at a tiny grocery store called Mike’s IGA. In this employ, I was exposed to many strange people. You see, only people with disposable income come into the GAP or go to the movies. Only mentally awake people come into a book store. But absolutely everybody comes into the grocery store. Not all of these people have a strong grip on their sanity. What follows is an account of one of them.

Mike’s IGA, tiny as it was, was proud to offer both a photocopy machine and Post Office booth to its customers. I took notice of one particular man. He was hard to miss as he was in the habit of wearing a blue doily as a hat. Eventually I became aware that this man came into the store every day to use the two services previously mentioned. He would typically make one photocopy at a cost of 5 US cents. He would fold the copy, place it in an envelope he brought with him, and mail it.

The regularity with which he would do this quickly aroused my curiosity. The man had a strange countenance. At 16 I was too timid to question him. Eventually I asked Barb–the lady operating the Post Office booth–what was going on. She replied and I quote, “I don’t know, but every day he mails something to the Queen of England.”


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5 Responses to “Royal Correspondence”

  1. david Says:

    tell about the yogurt lady!

  2. toby Says:

    After much deliberation, I have decided to bring out all the Mike’s IGA stories. And yes, that does include the vinegar incident.

  3. hannah Says:

    i know i have heard of blue doily man, but i didnt know he was in regular correspondence with the queen.

  4. matt Says:

    What’s her address, anyway?

  5. Sage Says:

    Would I look good in a blue doily? Or should I just stick to wearing boxer shorts on my head? Maybe the man was a poor Jew without a yamulka, just trying to make do. He was asking the queen if she had any real hats.

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