Bright Things

by

Have you ever been having a conversation with someone in which they are explaining their motivation for a decision they have made? Sometimes when I am in this situation I suddenly have the feeling that I am being used as nothing more than a sounding board for the other person to test out their rationale. They know what their motivations really are, but they are testing this explanation to see if it works on other people. I never know what to do when I have this feeling. I have something of a reputation as a jerk, and if I acted every time I get this feeling, I think I would very quickly alienate most of the people I know.

What I am really getting at here is that my personal motivation for doing things often has a mysterious quality that I find very hard to explain to people. I was thinking about this and weighing some of my own uses of free time recently and came to a startling realization. I am attracted to bright things. By this, I mean quite simply things which direct a lot of light into my eyes.

I have been an avid reader most of my life. I can easily spend too much time in front of a computer. I own and use a Nintendo DS. I enjoy welding both professionally and as a hobby. I lived in Kenya for over 2 years, and I think often of returning. The only really common factor I could identify with these things was that they all involve bright light in the eyes for long periods of time. I realize now that there are few things that make me feel as good as walking out into a very bright morning. All other factors of weather pale in comparison. (please pardon the pun)

The older I get, the more I realize that many of the things I thought I understood well about my self were delusion. For better or worse, I spend much less time wrestling with understanding everything anymore. Maybe I should go easier on others. If my own motivations are often mysteries, or worse–delusions; maybe I should give some credit to people who are at least trying to define their own.

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4 Responses to “Bright Things”

  1. The Sage Says:

    This is tough stuff, and I appreciate it. Very transparent, even confessional. You are quite bright yourself. I’m thinking that Jesus said,
    “The light of the body is the eye and if your eye is focused your whole body is full of light.” Something like that. That doesn’t sound very scientific, does it? It makes more sense as a picture of the old garbage-in/garbage-out metaphor. If we focus on the Light (Jesus) we become full. I’m trying, here.

    Also, light stimulates the pituitary and people like Missourians and Northerners are in colder and less lightful climes, causing a hunger for light, in your case nearly insatiable. You were born in Texas where people actually have to eat light, since it is palpable, and thus pallatable. And, since you are what you eat, light-eaters become light-fat: they actually start to glow.

    The cure for light-obsession, the malady you describe, is to try to get yourself moving at the speed of light, or actually beyond. Don’t try this on a bike. At that point you will encounter what scientists speculate is the “black-whole.” Once you enter this space, your pituitary is no longer starved for light. You are now equally charged by darkness (physical, not spiritual). At this point your pituitary is balanced, if not completely fried. People in this condition actually crave night-life, like our friends the owls.

    But not many people, unfortunately, get beyond the speed of light, which is the definition of “warp-speed.” One of the side-effects of this type of travel is that you become warped. And those who get warped don’t like the feeling. I’m warped, and I frankly don’t like it. But I’ve never gone the speed of light. It makes me sick.

  2. Leigh Ann Says:

    You are very bright…..
    As to the 1st part of your commentary, I think people try to justify things that they do when they aren’t sure… and friends are like sounding boards… hey if you don’t agree with a friends motives or justification you should say something, as a friend, like “hey that sounds like you are trying to justify such n such, it doesn’t sound right to me…” Although candor in our society is not well tolerated, it sure beats the heck out of pacifying someone with a ridiculous motive/idea. It sounds like you may already do this if you are known as a “jerk”…(I did not know this) but still you are far from friendless… PS: I would like to order a side of honesty, oh and don’t forget to sugarcoat that please…

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